13 Mar A critical eye
The continuous thought process of a so called feminist, and lover of women, during a performance of ‘When we have sufficiently tortured each other’ at The National Theatre starring Cate Blanchett and Stephen Dillane ~
- Oh wow! She looks really normal. I bet she’s my height. Actually she’s probably smaller. They always are.
- What’s different? Her hairs dark! I think I like it.
- Her face looks quite harsh though. She’d play a good druggie with those features.
- Actually she looks like she would play a really good prostitute in that 90’s drama ‘Band of Gold’
- I can’t believe how normal she looks. I wonder if we’d be friends? Probably….
- Her eyes are tiny. I mean so small.
- And her mouth is quite big.
- Why have I never noticed her mouth before?
- Being on cameras different though isn’t it. Lighting does a lot and this is practically seeing her close up.
- Nothing seems to be moving from the eyes up. I knew it! She’s got a botox forehead.
- What about round her big mouth. Does that move?
- Mmmm that seems to be moving. Not so much work there.
- Has she got cheek fillers? I wish I could spot facial work better.
- That is a TERRIBLE thought to have. Who gives a shit. Stop analysing and concentrate on the bloody acting.
- OH MY GOD SHE’S IN HER UNDERWEAR!
- Check for pubes! Check her bikini line.
- I wonder when she started working out for this part.
- She’s definitely fit. Her arms are so toned.
- Why can’t I see any pubes?
- I wonder if she shaves or waxes.
- Look at her arse! It’s like an apple.
- What’s that body type called? Slim, muscular, toned….
- How is her arse so high?
- OH MY GOD SHE’S HAD A BUTT LIFT!!!
- She HASN’T?!?
- Would she have a butt lift?
- Maybe she has….
- What the…?!?! She’s wearing flesh coloured tights!
- How sneaky….Whow, I mean I take my hat off to her. Those tights are SO deceiving.
- Tskkk…Why did she wear tights? She could have so done it without tights. I had to once…
- …Mmmm I was 19. Maybe it’s different. Still…
- OH MY GOD SHE’S HAVING AN ORGASM ON STAGE!
- That is so embarrassing.
- Maybe she’s not embarrassed.
- Her hands are so red. That’s bad circulation that is. I bet she’s cold a lot.
- How am I going to find out if she’s had a butt lift or not?
- Damn her jawline is good.
- Why hasn’t she got a double chin?
- Why have I got a double chin?
- OH MY GOD SHE’S SNOGGING MY FRIEND!
- I wonder if she’s a nice person. I really hope she is.
- How can I lose my double chin?
- Oh. Hallo. She’s stepping into a strap on.
- Oh. That makes her look quite powerful and masculine.
- HA! She’s gonna peg Stephen.
- MMMmmm I think Stephen really needs a haircut.
- Oh that’s the end!
- Is she going to come out with the strap on still attached?
- Ahhh shame, it’s gone. Ohhhh look. There she is bowing in front of me.
- I definitely think she’s had botox in her face….and maybe something done to her arse.
Oh dear….How very unhelpful in life.
Some things are so deeply ingrained aren’t they? Some things are going to be harder to undo than others.
I’m working on it though….
I’m working on unravelling the thought process behind my unconscious, unnecessary, unhelpful, deeply embedded, misogynistic critiquing of women….that and losing my second chin.